(A tribute to all Software Engineers !!! )
Apne Project ke bojh tale daba jaa raha hai,
Wo dekho ek Software engineer ja raha hai,
zindagi se hara hua hai, par "Bugs" se haar nahi manata,
Apne application ki ek ek line ise rati hui hai,
par aaj kaun se rang ke moje pehne hain , ye nahi janata,
din par din ek excel file banata ja raha hai,
Wo dekho ek Software engineer ja raha hai,
das hazaar line ke code main error dhoond lete hain lekin, majboor dost
ki ankhon ki nami dikhayi nahi deti,
pc pe hazaar windows khuli hain, par dil ki khidki pe koi dastak sunayi
nahi deti,
satuday-sunday nahata nahi, week days ko naha raha hai,
Wo dekho ek Software engineer ja raha hai,
Coding karte karte pata hi nahi chala, bugs ki priority kab maa-baap se
high ho gayi,
kitabon main gulab rakhne wala , cigerette ke dhuyen main kho gaya,
dil ki zameen se armaanon ki vidayi ho gayi,
weekends pe daroo peke jo jashna mana raha hai,
Wo dekho ek Software engineer ja raha hai,
maze lena ho iske to pooch lo,
"Salary Increment" ki party kab dila rahe ho,
hansi udana ho to pooch lo,
"Onsite" kab ja rahe ho?
wo dekho onsite se laute team-mate ki chocolates kha raha hai,
Wo dekho ek Software engineer ja raha hai,
kharche badh rahe hain, baal kam ho rahe hain,
KRA ki date ati nahi, Income Tax ke sitam ho rahe hain,
lo phir se bus choot gayi, Auto se aa raha hai,
Wo dekho ek Software engineer ja raha hai,
Pizza gale se nahi utarta, to "Coke" ke sahare nigal liya jata hai,
office ki "Thali" dekh munh hai bigadta,
maa ke hath ka wo khana baar roz yaad ata hai,
"Sprout bhel" bani hai phir bhi, free "Evening Snacks" kha raha hai,
Wo dekho ek Software engineer ja raha hai,
aapne ab tak li hongi bahut si chutikiya,
Software engg. ke jivan ka sach batati ye akhri kuch panktiyan,
hazaron ki tankhwah wala, company ki karodon ki jeb bharta hai,
software engg. wahi ban sakta hai, jo lohe ka jigar rakhta hai,
hum log jee jee ke marte hain , zindagi hai kuch aisi,
ek fauj ki naukri, doosri software engg. ki , dono ek jaisi,
is kavita ka har shabd dil ki gehrayi se aa raha hai,
Wo dekho ek Software engineer ja raha hai,
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Monday, May 24, 2010
A Box Full of Kisses
The story goes that some time ago, a man punished his 3-year-old daughter for wasting a roll of gold wrapping paper. Money was tight and he became infuriated when the child tried to decorate a box to put under the Christmas tree. Nevertheless, the little girl brought the gift to her father the next morning and said, "This is for you, Daddy."
The man was embarrassed by his earlier overreaction, but his anger flared again when he found out the box was empty. He yelled at her, stating, "Don't you know, when you give someone a present, there is supposed to be something inside? The little girl looked up at him with tears in her eyes and cried, "Oh, Daddy, it's not empty at all. I blew kisses into the box. They're all for you, Daddy."
The father was crushed. He put his arms around his little girl, and he begged for her forgiveness.
Only a short time later, an accident took the life of the child. It is also told that her father kept that gold box by his bed for many years and, whenever he was discouraged, he would take out an imaginary kiss and remember the love of the child who had put it there.
In a very real sense, each one of us, as humans beings, have been given a gold container filled with unconditional love and kisses... from our children, family members, friends, and God. There is simply no other possession, anyone could hold, more precious than this.
The man was embarrassed by his earlier overreaction, but his anger flared again when he found out the box was empty. He yelled at her, stating, "Don't you know, when you give someone a present, there is supposed to be something inside? The little girl looked up at him with tears in her eyes and cried, "Oh, Daddy, it's not empty at all. I blew kisses into the box. They're all for you, Daddy."
The father was crushed. He put his arms around his little girl, and he begged for her forgiveness.
Only a short time later, an accident took the life of the child. It is also told that her father kept that gold box by his bed for many years and, whenever he was discouraged, he would take out an imaginary kiss and remember the love of the child who had put it there.
In a very real sense, each one of us, as humans beings, have been given a gold container filled with unconditional love and kisses... from our children, family members, friends, and God. There is simply no other possession, anyone could hold, more precious than this.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
How a Software Engineer handles his WIFE !
Just have a look at this conversation and then decide Yourself.
Husband - hey dear, I am logged in.
Wife - would you like to have some snacks?
Husband - hard disk full.
Wife - have you brought the saree.
Husband - Bad command or file name.
Wife - but I told you about it in morning
Husband - erroneous syntax, abort, retry, cancel.
Wife - hae bhagwan !forget it where's your salary.
Husband - file in use, read only, try after some time.
Wife - at least give me your credit card,
i can do some shopping.
Husband - sharing violation, access denied.
Wife - i made a mistake in marrying you.
Husband - data type mismatch.
Wife - you are useless.
Husband - by default.
Wife - who was there with you in the car this morning?
Husband - system unstable press ctrl, alt, del to
Reboot.
Wife - what is the relation between you & your
Receptionist?
Husband - the only user with write permission.
Wife - what is my value in your life?
Husband - unknown virus detected.
Wife - do you love me or your computer?
Husband - Too many parameters.
Wife - i will go to my dad’s house.
Husband - program performed illegal operation, it will
Close.
Wife - I will leave you forever.
Husband - close all programs and log out for another User.
Wife - it is worthless talking to you.
Husband - shut down the computer.
Wife - I am going
Husband - Its now safe to turn off your computer.
he he he :)
Husband - hey dear, I am logged in.
Wife - would you like to have some snacks?
Husband - hard disk full.
Wife - have you brought the saree.
Husband - Bad command or file name.
Wife - but I told you about it in morning
Husband - erroneous syntax, abort, retry, cancel.
Wife - hae bhagwan !forget it where's your salary.
Husband - file in use, read only, try after some time.
Wife - at least give me your credit card,
i can do some shopping.
Husband - sharing violation, access denied.
Wife - i made a mistake in marrying you.
Husband - data type mismatch.
Wife - you are useless.
Husband - by default.
Wife - who was there with you in the car this morning?
Husband - system unstable press ctrl, alt, del to
Reboot.
Wife - what is the relation between you & your
Receptionist?
Husband - the only user with write permission.
Wife - what is my value in your life?
Husband - unknown virus detected.
Wife - do you love me or your computer?
Husband - Too many parameters.
Wife - i will go to my dad’s house.
Husband - program performed illegal operation, it will
Close.
Wife - I will leave you forever.
Husband - close all programs and log out for another User.
Wife - it is worthless talking to you.
Husband - shut down the computer.
Wife - I am going
Husband - Its now safe to turn off your computer.
he he he :)
Monday, May 17, 2010
Computer Acronyms
PCMCIA
People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms
ISDN
It Still Does Nothing
APPLE
Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity
SCSI
System Can't See It
DOS
Defective Operating System
BASICBill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control
IBM
I Blame Microsoft
DEC
Do Expect Cuts
CD-ROM
Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months
OS/2
Obsolete Soon, Too.
WWW
World Wide Wait
MACINTOSH
Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs
PENTIUM
Produces Erroneous Numbers Through Incorrect Understanding of Mathematics
COBOL
Completely Obsolete Business Oriented Language
AMIGA
A Merely Insignificant Game Addiction
LISP
Lots of Infuriating & Silly Parenthesis
MIPS
Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed
WINDOWS
Will Install Needless Data On Whole System
GIRO
Garbage In Rubbish Out
MICROSOFT
Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only (for) Fools (&) Teenagers
People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms
ISDN
It Still Does Nothing
APPLE
Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity
SCSI
System Can't See It
DOS
Defective Operating System
BASICBill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control
IBM
I Blame Microsoft
DEC
Do Expect Cuts
CD-ROM
Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months
OS/2
Obsolete Soon, Too.
WWW
World Wide Wait
MACINTOSH
Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs
PENTIUM
Produces Erroneous Numbers Through Incorrect Understanding of Mathematics
COBOL
Completely Obsolete Business Oriented Language
AMIGA
A Merely Insignificant Game Addiction
LISP
Lots of Infuriating & Silly Parenthesis
MIPS
Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed
WINDOWS
Will Install Needless Data On Whole System
GIRO
Garbage In Rubbish Out
MICROSOFT
Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only (for) Fools (&) Teenagers
Saturday, May 8, 2010
तुम्हीं मिटाओ मेरी उलझन
तुम्ही मिटाओ मेरी उलझन
कैसे कहूँ कि तुम कैसी हो
कोई नहीं सृष्टि में तुम-सा
माँ तुम बिलकुल माँ जैसी हो।
ब्रह्मा तो केवल रचता है
तुम तो पालन भी करती हो
शिव हरते तो सब हर लेते
तुम चुन-चुन पीड़ा हरती हो
किसे सामने खड़ा करूँ मैं
और कहूँ फिर तुम ऐसी हो।
माँ तुम बिलकुल माँ जैसी हो।।
ज्ञानी बुद्ध प्रेम बिना सूखे
सारे देव भक्ति के भूखे
लगते हैं तेरी तुलना में
ममता बिन सब रुखे-रुखे
पूजा करे सताए कोई
सब के लिए एक जैसी हो।
माँ तुम बिलकुल माँ जैसी हो।।
कितनी गहरी है अदभुत-सी
तेरी यह करुणा की गागर
जाने क्यों छोटा लगता है
तेरे आगे करुणा-सागर
जाकी रही भावना जैसी
मूरत देखी तिन्ह तैसी हो।
माँ तुम बिलकुल माँ जैसै हो।।
मेरी लघु आकुलता से ही
कितनी व्याकुल हो जाती हो
मुझे तृप्त करने के सुख में
तुम भूखी ही सो जाती हो।
सब जग बदला मैं भी बदला
तुम तो वैसी की वैसी हो।
माँ तुम बिलकुल माँ जैसी हो।।
तुम से तन मन जीवन पाया
तुमने ही चलना सिखलाया
पर देखो मेरी कृतघ्नता
काम तुम्हारे कभी न आया
क्यों करती हो क्षमा हमेशा
तुम भी तो जाने कैसी हो।
माँ तुम बिलकुल माँ जैसी हो।।
HAPPY MOTHERS DAY
कैसे कहूँ कि तुम कैसी हो
कोई नहीं सृष्टि में तुम-सा
माँ तुम बिलकुल माँ जैसी हो।
ब्रह्मा तो केवल रचता है
तुम तो पालन भी करती हो
शिव हरते तो सब हर लेते
तुम चुन-चुन पीड़ा हरती हो
किसे सामने खड़ा करूँ मैं
और कहूँ फिर तुम ऐसी हो।
माँ तुम बिलकुल माँ जैसी हो।।
ज्ञानी बुद्ध प्रेम बिना सूखे
सारे देव भक्ति के भूखे
लगते हैं तेरी तुलना में
ममता बिन सब रुखे-रुखे
पूजा करे सताए कोई
सब के लिए एक जैसी हो।
माँ तुम बिलकुल माँ जैसी हो।।
कितनी गहरी है अदभुत-सी
तेरी यह करुणा की गागर
जाने क्यों छोटा लगता है
तेरे आगे करुणा-सागर
जाकी रही भावना जैसी
मूरत देखी तिन्ह तैसी हो।
माँ तुम बिलकुल माँ जैसै हो।।
मेरी लघु आकुलता से ही
कितनी व्याकुल हो जाती हो
मुझे तृप्त करने के सुख में
तुम भूखी ही सो जाती हो।
सब जग बदला मैं भी बदला
तुम तो वैसी की वैसी हो।
माँ तुम बिलकुल माँ जैसी हो।।
तुम से तन मन जीवन पाया
तुमने ही चलना सिखलाया
पर देखो मेरी कृतघ्नता
काम तुम्हारे कभी न आया
क्यों करती हो क्षमा हमेशा
तुम भी तो जाने कैसी हो।
माँ तुम बिलकुल माँ जैसी हो।।
HAPPY MOTHERS DAY
Monday, May 3, 2010
BE CAREFUL WHILE SENDING A MAIL
A man checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his room. So he decided to send an E-MAIL to his wife.
However he accidentally typed the wrong e-mail address and without realising his error, he sent the message. Meanwhile,
Somewhere a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. The widow decided to check her mail,
Expecting message from her relatives and friends.; After reading the first message she fainted.
The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My loving wife
Subject: I've just reached
Date: 13th Oct 2006
I know you are surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now, and you are allowed to sent e-mails to your loved ones.
I've just reached and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you.
Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was..!
However he accidentally typed the wrong e-mail address and without realising his error, he sent the message. Meanwhile,
Somewhere a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. The widow decided to check her mail,
Expecting message from her relatives and friends.; After reading the first message she fainted.
The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My loving wife
Subject: I've just reached
Date: 13th Oct 2006
I know you are surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now, and you are allowed to sent e-mails to your loved ones.
I've just reached and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you.
Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was..!
Sunday, May 2, 2010
MARKETING CONCEPTS
Professor at one of the IIM's was explaining marketing concepts to the Students: -
1 You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" - That's Direct Marketing
2 You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says: "He's very rich. Marry him." - That's Advertising
3 You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day, you call and say: "Hi, I'm very rich. Marry me." - That's Telemarketing
4 You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink, you open the door (of the car) for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her ride and then say: "By the way, I'm rich. Will you marry me?" - That's Public Relations
5 You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says: "You are very rich! Can you marry! Me?" - That's Brand Recognition
6 You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" She gives you a nice hard slap on your face. - That's Customer Feedback
7 You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" And she introduces you to her husband. - That's demand and supply gap
8 You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say anything, another person comes and tells her: "I'm rich. Will you marry me?" and she goes with him - That's competition eating into your market share
9 You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say: "I'm rich, Marry me!" Your wife arrives. - That's restriction for entering new markets
1 You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" - That's Direct Marketing
2 You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says: "He's very rich. Marry him." - That's Advertising
3 You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day, you call and say: "Hi, I'm very rich. Marry me." - That's Telemarketing
4 You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink, you open the door (of the car) for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her ride and then say: "By the way, I'm rich. Will you marry me?" - That's Public Relations
5 You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says: "You are very rich! Can you marry! Me?" - That's Brand Recognition
6 You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" She gives you a nice hard slap on your face. - That's Customer Feedback
7 You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" And she introduces you to her husband. - That's demand and supply gap
8 You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say anything, another person comes and tells her: "I'm rich. Will you marry me?" and she goes with him - That's competition eating into your market share
9 You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say: "I'm rich, Marry me!" Your wife arrives. - That's restriction for entering new markets
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Thursday, April 8, 2010
WAAH ! WAAH ! WAAH ! WAAH !
Apne chehre se ruswaiyoon ka ERROR to hatao,
janeman apne dil ka PASSWORD to batao!
Wo to hum hai jo aap ki chahat ko dil mein rakh ke ghoomte hai,
warna aap jaise SOFTWARES to bazaar mein bikte hai!
Roz raat ko aap mere sapno mein aati ho,
mere pyar ko MOUSE bana ke apni ungaliyoon se nachati ho!
Tere pyar ka E-MAIL mere dil ko lubhata hai,
par beech mein tere bhai ka VIRUS aa jata hai!
Keval aap jaiso ke liye dil ko CUT karte hai,
warna baki CASES mein COPY PASTE se kaam karte hai!
Aap ka hasna,aap ka chalna,aap ki wo style,
aap ki in aadaoon ki humne SAVE karli hai ek FILE!
Ab aur nahi sah sakte hum intezaar,
humare dil ki SITE pe jaldi ENTER kato yaar!
Tumse mila main kal to, mere dil mein hua ek sound,
Lekin aaj tum mili to kehti ho: Your file not found!
Shayad mere pyar ko Taste karna bhool gaye...
Dil sey aisa 'cut' kiya Ke 'paste' karna bhool gaye...
Laakhon honge nigaah mein kabhi mujhe bhi pick karo...
Mere pyaar ke 'icon' pe kabhi to 'double-click' karo...
Roz subha hum karte hain pyar se unhe good morning...
Woh aise ghoor ke dekte hain jaise '0 errors aur 5 warning'...
Aisa bhi nahin hai ke I don't like your face.
Par dil ke storage mein there is no more 'disk space'.
Ghar se jab tum nikale pehen ke reshmi gown.
Jaane kitne dilon ka ho gaya 'server down'.
Jabse meri zindagi mein,aayi hai ik female.
Bhool gaya hai sab kuchh kya computer, kya e-mail.
Dil se ek ishq ki Ek application kar raha hoon.
Pyaar se 'debug' karna mein wait kar raha hoon.
Tumhaare intezaar mein neend aayee so gaya.
Yeh dekho mera connection 'time out' ho gaya..
Nazar mein to kai hain Par dil se ek wo only hain...
Problem yehi hai ki voh ab 'read only' hain...
Tere Pyar ke liye zami-aasma ek kar doonga...
Tu naa mili to apni zindagi 'Ctrl+alt+delete' kar doonga........
Aap ka hasna,aap ka chalna,aap ki wo style,
aap ki in aadaoon ki humne SAVE karli hai ek FILE!
Ab aur nahi sah sakte hum intezaar,
humare dil ki SITE pe jaldi ENTER kato yaar!
Tumse mila main kal to, mere dil mein hua ek sound,
Lekin aaj tum mili to kehti ho: Your file not found!
Shayad mere pyar ko Taste karna bhool gaye...
Dil sey aisa 'cut' kiya Ke 'paste' karna bhool gaye...
Laakhon honge nigaah mein kabhi mujhe bhi pick karo...
Mere pyaar ke 'icon' pe kabhi to 'double-click' karo...
Roz subha hum karte hain pyar se unhe good morning...
Woh aise ghoor ke dekte hain jaise '0 errors aur 5 warning'...
Aisa bhi nahin hai ke I don't like your face.
Par dil ke storage mein there is no more 'disk space'.
Ghar se jab tum nikale pehen ke reshmi gown.
Jaane kitne dilon ka ho gaya 'server down'.
Jabse meri zindagi mein,aayi hai ik female.
Bhool gaya hai sab kuchh kya computer, kya e-mail.
Dil se ek ishq ki Ek application kar raha hoon.
Pyaar se 'debug' karna mein wait kar raha hoon.
Tumhaare intezaar mein neend aayee so gaya.
Yeh dekho mera connection 'time out' ho gaya..
Nazar mein to kai hain Par dil se ek wo only hain...
Problem yehi hai ki voh ab 'read only' hain...
Tere Pyar ke liye zami-aasma ek kar doonga...
Tu naa mili to apni zindagi 'Ctrl+alt+delete' kar doonga........
Sunday, March 21, 2010
If we have Windows in hindi at our Office
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Here are some Windows related terms that are to be used in the Hindi version of .........
Ati-Sookhsham-Naram (Micro-soft) Khidkiyan'DoHazar ( Windows 2000 ):
**************
1.Phaail = File
**************
2.Bachao = Save
**************
3.Aise Bachao = Save as
**************
4.Subko Bachao = Save All
**************
5.Mujhe Bachao = Help
**************
6.Dhoondo = Find
**************
7.Firse Dhoondo = Find Again
**************
8.Hilao = Move
**************
9.Dak = Mail
**************
10.Dakiya = Mailer
**************
11.Paas se dhekho = Zoom
**************
12.Door se dhekho = Zoom Out
**************
13.Kholo = Open
**************
14.Bandh Karo = Close
**************
15.Naya = New
**************
16.Purana/Khatara = Old
**************
17.Badli Karo = Replace
**************
18.Bhaago = Run
**************
19.Chaapo = Print
**************
20.Dekh Ke Chaapo = Print Preview
**************
21.Nakal Utaaro/Kaapi =Copy
**************
22.Kaato = Cut
**************
23.Chipkao = Paste
**************
24.Payshal Chipkao = Paste Special
**************
25.Goli Maaro = Delete
**************
26.Nazaara = View
**************
27.Hatyaar = Tools
**************
29.Khuli Chaadar = Spreadsheet
**************
30.Kalti Maaro = Exit
**************
36.Idhar-se-Udhar - Forward
**************
Additional Softwares / errors
**************
1. 'This program has performed an illegal operation - "Abort,Retry or Ignore" ? - "Is karyakram ne gairkanooni kaam kiya hai -zatak se bandkaro (abort),Koshish karte raho/Hum honge Kamyaab (retry), Goli Maro (Ignore)"
**************
2. MICROSOFT POWERPOINT - "AtiSukshma Mulayam ShaktiBindu"
**************
3. MICROSOFT WORD 6 - "AtiSukshma Mulayam Shabda Cheh"
**************
4. MICROSOFT ACCESS - "AtiSukshma Mulayam PRAVESH KI SAMMATI"
**************
5. FOXPRO - "Lombdigiri (Lomiree) mein Maahir"
**************
6. MICROSOFT ! VISUAL C++ - "AtiSukshma Mulayam Nazaaraa C adhik hi adhik"
**************
7. OFICE 2000 - "Karyalaya 2000 mein"
**************
8. Internet Explorer - "Taaron ke Jaal ka Sanshodhak"
**************
9. Lotus Notes - " Kamal ke Ruppeye"
**************
10. ACCESS DENIED - " Ghusne ki Agya nahi"
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Learning Material ( for my recently joined friends )
There is some material that I found helpful for EC1 and EC2 .
So I am giving here some links to download the material.
If u need some specific material let me know by leaving ur comments.
1. A good Dr.Scheme Online Tutorial.
2. This one is also Good for basics of Dr.Scheme.
3. Let's try some Programes.
4. This is for Your OOp and OML Concepts.
So I am giving here some links to download the material.
If u need some specific material let me know by leaving ur comments.
1. A good Dr.Scheme Online Tutorial.
2. This one is also Good for basics of Dr.Scheme.
3. Let's try some Programes.
4. This is for Your OOp and OML Concepts.
What's full form of :
1. NIIT : Not Interested in IT
2. WIPRO : Weak Input, Poor & Rubbish Output
3. HCL : Hidden Costs & Losses
4. PATNI : Pathetic Appraisal Techniques, No Increments
5. INFOSYS :Inferior Offline Systems
6. HUGHES : Highly Useless Graduates Hired for Eating and Sleeping
7. BAAN : Beggars Association and Nerds
8. IBM : Implicitly Boring Machines
9. SATYAM : Sad And Tired Yelling Away Madly
10. PARAM : Puzzled And Ridiculous Array of Microprocessors
11. C-DOT : Coffee During Office Timings
12. AT&T : All Troubles & Terrible
13. CMC : Coffee, Meals and Comfort.
14. DEC : Drifting & Exhausted Computers
15. BFL : Brainwash First and Let them go..
17. TISL : Totally Inconsistent Systems Ltd.
18. PSI : Peculiar Symptoms of India
19. ORACLE : On-line Romance And Chatting with Lady Employees.
20. MASTEK: Mad And Stupid Technitians Enroute to Kabaarkhana
21. ILP: Initial Leisure Program.
22.WBT: Without Brain Training.
21.TCS : Totally Confusing Solutions. (hi hi hi )
2. WIPRO : Weak Input, Poor & Rubbish Output
3. HCL : Hidden Costs & Losses
4. PATNI : Pathetic Appraisal Techniques, No Increments
5. INFOSYS :Inferior Offline Systems
6. HUGHES : Highly Useless Graduates Hired for Eating and Sleeping
7. BAAN : Beggars Association and Nerds
8. IBM : Implicitly Boring Machines
9. SATYAM : Sad And Tired Yelling Away Madly
10. PARAM : Puzzled And Ridiculous Array of Microprocessors
11. C-DOT : Coffee During Office Timings
12. AT&T : All Troubles & Terrible
13. CMC : Coffee, Meals and Comfort.
14. DEC : Drifting & Exhausted Computers
15. BFL : Brainwash First and Let them go..
17. TISL : Totally Inconsistent Systems Ltd.
18. PSI : Peculiar Symptoms of India
19. ORACLE : On-line Romance And Chatting with Lady Employees.
20. MASTEK: Mad And Stupid Technitians Enroute to Kabaarkhana
21. ILP: Initial Leisure Program.
22.WBT: Without Brain Training.
21.TCS : Totally Confusing Solutions. (hi hi hi )
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
TCS is BEST
“Why don’t we prove who is the best among ourselves?”
Why not, said the other two.
The Infosian said “Let’s have a test. Whoever makes this monkey laugh, works for the best firm”.
Being a pure logical strategist, the person from Infosys tried to make the monkey Laugh by telling jokes. The monkey stayed still.
As a more practical consultant, the Wipro guy tried to make funny gestures… No good, the monkey stayed put…
Now, comes the TCS guy. Being the practical guy he was always trained to be, he whispered something into the monkey’s ear, and it burst out laughing at him..
The other two were astonished. So the Wipro guy said “OK, let’s take another test. Let’s make this monkey cry!!”
So there they went again, applying the same methods as before. The Infosys guy narrated sad stories, the Wipro guy made sad gestures, and they failed again…
Then, the TCS guy again whispered something into the monkey’s ear and oh! It started crying, patting the Infosian’s shoulder!
The other two just could not believe their eyes! So the Infosys guy said “OK, you’ve won twice. If you can win just this one, we will bow to you. Let’s make this monkey run”.
And he barked at the monkey and ordered him to run. Of course, it stayed where it was.. The Wipro guy, true to his type, pushed and prodded the monkey- still No go.
So…here comes TCS guy, again, and whispers into the monkey’s ear. The Monkey just takes off! It runs and runs as fast as it can, as if it was scared to death!
The other two surrendered.
They Said: “OK, we give up.
You’re the best among us, and you work for the Best firm of the three. But please, please tell us your secret,” they begged him.
“Well”, said the TCS guy , “The first time I made it laugh, I told I work for TCS . The next time, I told the monkey how much I get paid …so it started crying.
And then I told that I was here for recruitment!!!
Friday, February 12, 2010
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Brain(on)Bench-2
Did u get less marks in Brain Bench or EC-1 ,2 ,3 ........ ?
Don't worry it happens. They don't know your talent , just like this boy :
Don't worry it happens. They don't know your talent , just like this boy :
Q. Describe Computer System Architecture?
(Give an Example)
Friday, February 5, 2010
He/She is a Computer .( Brain(ON)Bench )
An English teacher was explaining to his students the concept of gender association in the English language. He noted how hurricanes at one time were given only female names, and how ships and planes were usually referred to as "she." One of the students raised her hand and asked, "What gender is a computer?"
The teacher wasn't certain. So he divided the class into two groups: males in one, females in the other, and asked them to decide if a computer should be masculine or feminine. Both groups were asked to give four reasons for their recommendations.
The group of women concluded that computers should be referred to as masculine because:
1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
3. They are supposed to help you solve your problems, but half the time, they ARE the problem.
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer, you could have had a better model.
The men, on the other hand, decided that computers should definitely be referred to as feminine because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
The teacher wasn't certain. So he divided the class into two groups: males in one, females in the other, and asked them to decide if a computer should be masculine or feminine. Both groups were asked to give four reasons for their recommendations.
The group of women concluded that computers should be referred to as masculine because:
1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
3. They are supposed to help you solve your problems, but half the time, they ARE the problem.
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer, you could have had a better model.
The men, on the other hand, decided that computers should definitely be referred to as feminine because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
Brain(ON)Bench
Q.What is the difference between men and puppies?
A: Puppies grow up.
Q.Why do men always have a stupid look on their faces?
A: Because they are...
Q: What do men have in common with ceramic tiles?
A: Fix them properly once and you can walk all over them forever.
Q: If you drop a man and a brick out of a plane, which one would hit the >ground first?
A: Who cares?????.....
Q: What did God say after he created man?
A: I can do better than this! And then he created woman!!!.
Q: What's the difference between an intelligent Woman & a UFO ?
A: I don't know, I've never seen either.
Q: What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?
A: i) no mind ii) no business
Q: What is the difference between men and pigs?
A: Pigs don't turn into men when they drink...
Q: What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
A: The same urge that makes dogs chase vehicles they have no intention of driving.
Q: What do you do with a man who thinks he's God's gift?
A: Exchange him!!
Q: Why do men like smart women?
A: Opposites attract.
(Pass this on to some women who need a laugh.. and to men who can handle it!)
A: Puppies grow up.
Q.Why do men always have a stupid look on their faces?
A: Because they are...
Q: What do men have in common with ceramic tiles?
A: Fix them properly once and you can walk all over them forever.
Q: If you drop a man and a brick out of a plane, which one would hit the >ground first?
A: Who cares?????.....
Q: What did God say after he created man?
A: I can do better than this! And then he created woman!!!.
Q: What's the difference between an intelligent Woman & a UFO ?
A: I don't know, I've never seen either.
Q: What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?
A: i) no mind ii) no business
Q: What is the difference between men and pigs?
A: Pigs don't turn into men when they drink...
Q: What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
A: The same urge that makes dogs chase vehicles they have no intention of driving.
Q: What do you do with a man who thinks he's God's gift?
A: Exchange him!!
Q: Why do men like smart women?
A: Opposites attract.
(Pass this on to some women who need a laugh.. and to men who can handle it!)
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Why is it so , that :
-Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.
-Software bugs are impossible to detect by anybody except the end user.
-When putting something into computer memory, we always forgot where we put it.
-For any given software, the moment you manage to master it, a new version appears.
-If a project is completed on schedule, it wasn't debugged properly.
-A program will work the you think is should only when you don't care if it does.
And at last but not LEAST
-No matter how hard you work, the boss will only appear when you access
the Internet / plays GAME .
-Software bugs are impossible to detect by anybody except the end user.
-When putting something into computer memory, we always forgot where we put it.
-For any given software, the moment you manage to master it, a new version appears.
-If a project is completed on schedule, it wasn't debugged properly.
-A program will work the you think is should only when you don't care if it does.
And at last but not LEAST
-No matter how hard you work, the boss will only appear when you access
the Internet / plays GAME .
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
DO U THINK U KNOW THIS ?
1.�
What associations are considered weak relationships? (Choose all that apply.)
A.Direct association
B.Temporary association
C.Composition association
D.Aggregation association
2.�
What associations are considered strong relationships? (Choose all that apply.)
A.Direct association
B.Temporary association
C.Composition association
D.Aggregation association
3.�
Which association can be said as object A has-an object B?
A.Direct association
B.Temporary association
C.Composition association
D.Aggregation association
4.�
Which association can be said as object A is part-of object B?
A.Direct association
B.Temporary association
C.Composition association
D.Aggregation association
5.�
Which association can be said as object A is composed-of object B?
A.Direct association
B.Temporary association
C.Composition association
D.Aggregation association
6.�
Which association has a life cycle responsibility for the object it contains?
A.Direct association
B.Temporary association
C.Composition association
D.Aggregation association
7.�
Association navigation is best described as which of the following?
A.The ability to navigate, or access, an object that is contained in another object.
B.The ability to search for and find an object that is contained in another object.
C.The possibility of passing an object to another object via a method.
D.The ability to invoke methods of an object that will then change the path of code execution.
E.The ability to invoke methods of an object to determine the current path of execution.
8.�
What would the multiplicity be in the following relationship? A Lamp object has-a LightBulb object.
A.One-to-one
B.One-to-many
C.Many-to-many
9.
A composition association cannot exist in what multiplicity?
A.One-to-one
B.One-to-many
C.Many-to-many
10.�
What would the multiplicity be in the following relationship? A BookShelf object has-a reference to an array made up of Book objects.
A.One-to-one
B.One-to-many
C.Many-to-many
What associations are considered weak relationships? (Choose all that apply.)
A.Direct association
B.Temporary association
C.Composition association
D.Aggregation association
2.�
What associations are considered strong relationships? (Choose all that apply.)
A.Direct association
B.Temporary association
C.Composition association
D.Aggregation association
3.�
Which association can be said as object A has-an object B?
A.Direct association
B.Temporary association
C.Composition association
D.Aggregation association
4.�
Which association can be said as object A is part-of object B?
A.Direct association
B.Temporary association
C.Composition association
D.Aggregation association
5.�
Which association can be said as object A is composed-of object B?
A.Direct association
B.Temporary association
C.Composition association
D.Aggregation association
6.�
Which association has a life cycle responsibility for the object it contains?
A.Direct association
B.Temporary association
C.Composition association
D.Aggregation association
7.�
Association navigation is best described as which of the following?
A.The ability to navigate, or access, an object that is contained in another object.
B.The ability to search for and find an object that is contained in another object.
C.The possibility of passing an object to another object via a method.
D.The ability to invoke methods of an object that will then change the path of code execution.
E.The ability to invoke methods of an object to determine the current path of execution.
8.�
What would the multiplicity be in the following relationship? A Lamp object has-a LightBulb object.
A.One-to-one
B.One-to-many
C.Many-to-many
9.
A composition association cannot exist in what multiplicity?
A.One-to-one
B.One-to-many
C.Many-to-many
10.�
What would the multiplicity be in the following relationship? A BookShelf object has-a reference to an array made up of Book objects.
A.One-to-one
B.One-to-many
C.Many-to-many
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Monday, January 25, 2010
Story of the Day
One Day a 10 year boy entered a hotel coffee shop and sat at a table. A waitress put a glass
of water in front of him, "How much is an ice-cream ? ", he asked.
"seven Rupees ," replied the waitress.
The little boy checked how much money he had. "How much is a dish of plain ice-cream ?" he inquired.
Some people were waiting for table and the waitress was bit impatient . "Five Rupees," she replied.
"I'll have the plain ice-cream," he said.
The waitress brought the ice-cream, put the bill on the table and walked away.
The boy finished the ice-cream,paid the cashier and departed.When the waitress came back,
she began wiping down the table and then hardly swallowed what she saw.
There, placed neatly beside the empty dish, were two rupees-her tip.
of water in front of him, "How much is an ice-cream ? ", he asked.
"seven Rupees ," replied the waitress.
The little boy checked how much money he had. "How much is a dish of plain ice-cream ?" he inquired.
Some people were waiting for table and the waitress was bit impatient . "Five Rupees," she replied.
"I'll have the plain ice-cream," he said.
The waitress brought the ice-cream, put the bill on the table and walked away.
The boy finished the ice-cream,paid the cashier and departed.When the waitress came back,
she began wiping down the table and then hardly swallowed what she saw.
There, placed neatly beside the empty dish, were two rupees-her tip.
"Dear friends , one should not judge a person by his/her status but should always be polite and soft-spoken."
Some sample Questions on Relationship
Please click on images to view large Images.
Question-1
Question-2
Question -3
Question-4
" For Answers pls Wait for next POST "
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Finding Relationship among Classes
A Relationship may belongs to more than one Relation type at same time.In this case our answer should be the Strongest among them.
Dependency --> Association -->Aggregation--> Composition
-------------------------------------------------------------->
Strongness
For Example a relation b/w class A and B is as follows.
Dependency and Association and Aggregation and Composition
So in this case our answer should be Composition .
Now let's See how to Find Relationship among Classes:
1. If Class A is related to class B by any means there is dependency b/w class A and class B.
Eg:class A:
class A
{
void methodA( B b, int i )
{
System.out.print("i am B");
}
}
2. Now apart from Dependency a relation may be of type Inheritance or Association.
a> If there is any keyword 'extends ' is being used to relate these classes than it would be "Inheritance".
b> Else if class A Contains or Stores object of class B it would be "Association".
Else it would be only "Dependency".
3.If it is Association than
a> if Object of Class B is being created in Class A it Composition.
b> Else Object of Class B is passing as Parameter in any function of Class A
it is called "Aggregation ".
Here are some Examples to make things clear.
What is the relationship b/w class A and class B ?
class A {
public void methodA() {
B b = new B();
b.methodB();
}
}
class B {
public void methodB() {
}
}
Ans.1 Dependency
What is the relationship b/w class A and class B and b/w class A and C ?
Class A
{
private B b;
method( C c , int num);
}
Ans.2
Relationship between A and B is Association.
Relationship between A and C is Dependency.
Note: There is not any Difference b/w Association and Aggregation/Composition at Impementation level.
Note: For Aggregation and Composition classes should have 'Part - of' relationship.
For Any queries leave your Comment.
- Agam Gupta.
Dependency --> Association -->Aggregation--> Composition
-------------------------------------------------------------->
Strongness
For Example a relation b/w class A and B is as follows.
Dependency and Association and Aggregation and Composition
So in this case our answer should be Composition .
Now let's See how to Find Relationship among Classes:
1. If Class A is related to class B by any means there is dependency b/w class A and class B.
Eg:class A:
class A
{
void methodA( B b, int i )
{
System.out.print("i am B");
}
}
2. Now apart from Dependency a relation may be of type Inheritance or Association.
a> If there is any keyword 'extends ' is being used to relate these classes than it would be "Inheritance".
b> Else if class A Contains or Stores object of class B it would be "Association".
Else it would be only "Dependency".
3.If it is Association than
a> if Object of Class B is being created in Class A it Composition.
b> Else Object of Class B is passing as Parameter in any function of Class A
it is called "Aggregation ".
Here are some Examples to make things clear.
What is the relationship b/w class A and class B ?
class A {
public void methodA() {
B b = new B();
b.methodB();
}
}
class B {
public void methodB() {
}
}
Ans.1 Dependency
What is the relationship b/w class A and class B and b/w class A and C ?
Class A
{
private B b;
method( C c , int num);
}
Ans.2
Relationship between A and B is Association.
Relationship between A and C is Dependency.
Note: There is not any Difference b/w Association and Aggregation/Composition at Impementation level.
Note: For Aggregation and Composition classes should have 'Part - of' relationship.
For Any queries leave your Comment.
- Agam Gupta.
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